Advanced Puppetry
by Kusco
Summary: The most sensational, inspirational, Muppetational Crossover fic of all time!


A/N: This was written in 2011 just before the Muppets relaunch film dropped and somewhere during season 3 of Community. Updates for "Hello" and "Lost Knight: Interlude" coming soon. In the meantime... enjoy!

* * *

The banners clung to the walls. Their bold letters were obnoxious enough that they practically screamed audibly. For nearly two weeks he traipsed past them, doing his level best to just ignore them. It was almost worse than Greendale's "Greetings Club's" annual recruitment week.

Jeff turned a corner and stopped in his tracks when he found the hallway for all intents and purposes, walled off by a fresh banner, stretching from wall to wall. In bold, multicolored letters it read, "Save Greendale!" for all that managed to have their path blocked by it.

Before he could manage to turn around and plot a new course to the study room, before he could tweet about how annoying this all was, before he could even mutter under his breath, Annie popped up from behind the banner.

"Jeff! I've been looking for you!" she jumped a little then started to weave her way around the cords that held the banner across the hall. Jeff did his level best not to ogle her thighs when the cord hiked up her skirt just a little bit. Past experience said she was about to try and get him to do something. He couldn't afford to be distracted if he wanted to get away with not helping.

"All day?" he said once she finally got around her roadblock. "Because it looks to me like you've been spending the day finding potential lawsuits for creating fire hazards."

"Just you watch," Annie jabbed a finger at him while wearing that irrepressible smile of hers. "Our Save Greendale Campaign is going to raise enough money that we'll be able to afford celebration banners twice that big!"

"Oh great! At least when this hallway is choked up by all the people running from the victory bonfire, they'll know for sure that the school was saved!"

Jeff started walking away and Annie quickly matched step beside him. "What's with you? The whole school is getting into the Save Greendale Spirit! Would it kill you to show that you care about this place?"

"Annie, you're the one, who from the day you met me, has been trying to get me to be more straight and honest. What's with your sudden change of heart in trying to get me to lie about caring about what happens to this school?"

"But Jeff, the school will be shut down if people like you don't get off your lazy butts and participate!"

"No, the school is being shut down because most people like me were smart enough to stay on their lazy butts and not pursue a degree you could probably get out of a cracker jack box."

Annie let out a throaty sigh and did her ninja dash to get in front of him. He stopped in time not to bowl her over and met her glare with one of his own. Ever since the possible school closure was announced last week she'd been like this. Organizing fundraisers and letter campaigns to the Board of Trustees as though any of her efforts would pay off. All the while trying to get him to commit a final bit of Greendale insanity and go out of the way for this school yet again.

"I don't get you Jeff," she finally said. "You need this school to stay open if you're going to become a lawyer again. And you're not willing to fight for it? Even a little?"

"I came to Greendale so I wouldn't have to put out any effort," Jeff shrugged, and resumed walking. They were nearly to the study room now. "And I think I've given it way more than its fair share already."

"I can't believe you," Annie threw her arms out and shook her head. "I just can't believe you."

"Don't see why," he opened the library door and waited until she was through before following her. Just before the door closed he heard a raspy voice yell out for him to hold the door.

Jeff did as he was asked but when he looked over his shoulder to see who he was holding the door for, he didn't see anybody. Annie let out an 'eep' and jumped and grabbed Jeff around the chest. He looked at her questioningly for a second before following her eyes down.

"Hey, thanks for the help pal!" the rat he'd held the door for waved at him. "I'll see about getting you a good seat for the show later this week!"

With that the rat scurried, on two legs, toward the study room.

After a couple of disbelieving blinks, Jeff realized he was still holding the door open with one hand. He let go only to have Annie snatch his shirt collar and yank him down to eye level.

"Jeff, you listen to me very closely and don't you dare lie to me! Did you just see a talking bipedal rat?"

Jeff had no choice but to stare into her amazingly wide, and at the moment, wild and frightened eyes as they matched every movement of his. He probably could have asked her the same question, but if she was asking for him to confirm what they saw; It was a good bet he hadn't just seen things. He took in a breath and nodded.

"Oh," Annie let out a breath and wrapped her arms around his neck and head, pulling him into an awkward hug. "Oh thank god!"

"Thank god!? Annie, we just saw a talking rat!"

"As long as it's 'we' I'm okay with it for now," she let him go.

"So what are we going to do? Follow it?"

"Well… it _is_ in the study room…"

Jeff sighed and nodded. He could only hope that the others would know something about this. Otherwise he would accept that maybe Greendale had finally destroyed his sanity and brought him to some sort of shared hallucination. Maybe the dean was 'Incepting' his mind.

Together they advanced to the study room. Even before they entered, the sound of voices, laughing, yelling, and… squawking hit their ears. They managed one final glance at each other before entering the room and freezing dead in their tracks. Their study group was there, some sat in their usual spots, others were up mingling with their guests.

But whatever the study group was doing paled in comparison to the assemblage of animals and weirdos that filled the room. Jeff realized now that he had seen that talking rat before. Just like he'd seen all of these weird creatures. He held a hand up to speak but found no words coming from his mouth.

"Hey everyone! We have a couple new visitors!" a very familiar voice said, drawing his attention to a bookshelf just beside him. "Let's give them a very Muppet welcome!"

Kermit, who sat on said bookshelf, and the rest of the Muppets all shouted a boisterous hello and began cheering and laughing. Jeff scanned the room until he found Britta, who was surrounded by a flock of penguins and being patted on the shoulder by Rowlf the Dog. She met his eyes and just shrugged, as if this entire thing should have been expected.

Jeff searched for any other glimpse of sanity in the room. Troy and Fozzie were laughing at each other's jokes. Abed was helping Gonzo chase down a chicken all the while Sam the Eagle watched on in disappointment. Shirley and Miss Piggy sat at the study table giggling at nearly the same pitch. All the while Animal chased Pierce around the room screaming something about "Nightly News".

Finally he turned to Annie. This had to have something to do with the Save Greendale Project, she had to know something. Or at least recognize that having the Muppets there was outright insane.

But rather than seeing her face filled with concern and a little bit of terror, he watched, helplessly, as Annie squealed and clapped her hands a couple times when Bunsen and Beaker walked by carrying foaming vials of some sort.

"Can you believe it!?" she grinned up at him. "The Muppets! Here!"

"Yeah it's fan….something… excuse me!"

Annie barely paid attention to him as she ran off to watch Dr. Teeth get his band ready to play. Jeff stepped around some more chickens and dodged a flying fish before he finally made his way to Britta.

"Please tell me you know what the hell is going on?"

"You got me?" Britta shrugged. "They were here when we got here."

"But they're… they're Muppets!"

"So?"

"They're… they… they can't be real!"

"That's what my mom used to say about humans when I was still paper training!" Rowlf commented from over Britta shoulder.

Jeff stared at the dog again but couldn't resume his conversation with Britta as Shirley and Miss Piggy approached him. He did his best to keep together as the pig, one that he'd seen on tv since he was a kid, eyed him from his feet to his head. Then she leaned over to Shirley.

"Ah, now Shirls, aren't you going to introduce me to your charming friend?" Miss Piggy cooed.

Shirley giggled. "Piggy, this is my good friend Jeff Winger! He's kind of the ring leader around here."

"Ha ha! I do find circus performers quite entertaining," Miss Piggy held out a hand. Jeff tried to swallow but found it difficult. Tentatively, he glanced at Shirley, who nodded in Miss Piggy's direction. Jeff sucked in a breath and took her hand in his. She raised it and finally, he took the hint. He'd seen enough pig-karate-chops to know what happened when Miss Piggy's temper flared. After half a second to collect himself, Jeff leaned down and kissed the top of Miss Piggy's hand.

"Enchanté Mr. Winger!" Miss Piggy cocked her head to the side. "I do hope that we will be seeing much more of each other over the next week! Come along Shirls. We have much to do!"

"I can't wait to tell my boys about this!" Shirley muttered with a massive grin as she trailed past Jeff.

"Wow," Britta said. "Two minutes in here and you're already getting hit on Hollywood's biggest pig stalet."

"You know what they call it when a pig hits you?" Fozzie called with Troy still along side him. The pair looked at each other before shouting in unison "Pork Chop!" They laughed and Troy punctuated the joke with an excited "Wokka Wokka!"

Jeff just shook his head and took a step toward Abed. But he just turned around when he spotted the groups resident pop culture guru holding Gonzo over his head like they were standing on top of Pride Rock. A small group of chickens in a semi-circle around them clucked on approvingly.

Finally Jeff just pursed his lips and made for the exit. Along the way he had to dodge Pierce, still being chased by Animal, who was now chanting something about Pierce taking him on a Christmas vacation or something. Jeff just pushed that out of his mind and slipped out the back way.

As soon as the door shut he let his shoulders slump and then figured he didn't need to stop there and just slackened his legs until he sat on the floor with his back resting against part of the wall that made up the study room. He closed his eyes and let out a calming sigh.

"Yeah," a voice sounded out and Jeff snapped his head over to see Kermit sitting beside him. "I feel that way sometimes too. They can be pretty crazy."

"So I gathered," Jeff said as the calm he'd been seeking seeped away, replaced by a growing nervousness. Even if he forgot that he was in a conversation with a talking frog, he had to remember that this was not just any talking frog. It was Kermit.

"I uh…" Jeff felt his lips move but couldn't quite come up with something intelligent to say. "I think Miss Piggy hit on me."

"Oh don't worry about it," Kermit waved the idea off with one of his flippers. "She's just mad that I didn't let her fly first class out here. You're not her type."

"I suppose I'm not quite green enough huh?"

"Actually it's the stubble. Piggy likes her men clean shaven."

Jeff regarded Kermit for a second and let a small smile cross his lips. Part of him really wanted to be cynical here and scoff at the frog. But maybe it was the fact that he still couldn't wrap his brain around having a conversation with a frog. Or maybe it was Kermit's easy manner. He wasn't sure, but either way he found himself actually managing that calm breath he'd been searching for.

"So…" Jeff said. "Um… you guys. What brings you to Greendale?"

"Oh, don't you know? Greendale is Gonzo's Alma Mater! He even graduated with Luiz Guzman."

"No kidding? Well if this place wasn't being shut down in a week I'd suggest we put a statue of him up."

"Gonzo has plenty of statues already. And you really don't think this school is going last?"

Jeff's eyes roamed around the empty room for a moment before resting on Kermit. The famous frog just returned his gaze with his head turned just slightly to the side, waiting for his answer. Jeff finally just shook his head.

"I made a career as a lawyer by predicting which cases were winnable and which ones were lost causes. Greendale already has too many strikes against it. If Greendale was a convict this would be where I would tell the defendant to just plea bargain or find a court appointed attorney."

"Oh," Kermit nodded. "Well then I guess that's why we're here! The Muppet Save Greendale Telethon this weekend will do the trick you'll see!"

"Kermit…" Jeff hesitated before continuing. Never in his life did he imagine himself arguing with a Muppet. Let alone the most famous one. "With all due respect, most people don't even know Greendale exists. Nobody is going to see your telethon. I don't know what the dean has told you guys but you're wasting your time."

"Maybe, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't try. This school means something to people and that's worth fighting for."

"Is it? Even if in the end you're left with nothing?"

"When I first started everybody told me that a frog couldn't make it in show business. And I've had three tv shows cancelled on me, two of them after only very short runs. But does that mean we quit? Of course not! Look at us! We have a new movie coming out! And all because we didn't quit."

"But what if it's not the same for Greendale?" Jeff clapped a hand on his knee. "What if we all try our hardest and get all riled up and they still close us down. All we've done is made the wound deeper and lots of us won't even have degrees to show for it. Is it worth it then?"

Kermit stood and placed a hand on Jeff's shoulder. For a second Jeff felt a strange twitch. He'd seen this frog report the news, swordfight Tim Curry, and host the Tonight Show. Now he was standing next to him giving him advice. Jeff usually made fun of celebrities but he couldn't think of something cynical to say about this one.

"Why don't you sit up and look into the study room," Kermit motioned toward the window just by Jeff's head.

Jeff did as he was told and straightened up until he could crane his head and get a clear view of the study room. His Study Group and the Muppets were now engaged in some sort of conga line with Electric Mayhem supplying the beat and Pierce leading the thing. Kermit nodded with a smile at the scene, standing at full height he was almost perfectly level with Jeff at this point.

"So what do you see?"

"Um… my friends… dancing with anthropomorphic animals and weirdos…"

"And how weird do you think it is for us?" Gonzo poked his head out the door. "Dancing with anthropomorphic humans!"

"What's important is that you see your friends," Kermit said. "Maybe nobody will like the Muppets ever again or maybe Greendale won't get enough attendance to remain open. What's important is the friendships we made along the way. They'll last even when all of us have retired or graduated. That's what makes all of this worth it."

Jeff found his gaze trailing from his dancing friends down to Kermit where he just watched the frog. All the while he searched for words, some sort of come back to that. He glanced back at the study group, now clapping and cheering at the end of the song along with the rest of the Muppets. Troy and Abed did their handshake, Pierce shook hands with Animal, Shirley and Britta pointed at Rowlf and Fozzie who were doing some sort of tap dance, and Annie introduced herself to some random blue Muppet that wore a red hoodie.

"We should go on back in there," Kermit said.

Then it happened. Five year old Jeff Winger, who hid deep down inside Jeff somewhere, snapped out of whatever bands of cynicism that Jeff kept him under and the next thing he knew, he was wrapping Kermit in a hug. To the point where Kermit was starting to say something about needing to breath. Jeff nodded and pulled away.

"Uh… um… thanks."

"All in a day's work!" Kermit nodded and went to the door.

Jeff followed behind and slipped in behind him. Just as the Swedish Chef wheeled a trolley of food in with the dean and Scooter following right behind him.

"Mahna Mah-Dean!" he held his hands out and cheered.

Jeff grinned in spite of himself and went to Annie. She bid farewell to the blue Muppet and looked up at him.

"So…" Jeff said. "You got anymore signs that need hanging?"

Annie beamed up at him and the dean finally managed to get the room calm enough for him to talk.

"Oh well let me just say that this is all so wonderful. And as a way to welcome all of you to Greendale we had our kitchen, along with you're wonderful Swedish Chef prepare a meal for all of you. And don't who worry Herr Chef, our kitchen staff will be just fine, we have a great health center here."

"Oh that's great!" Fozzie said. "I'm so hungry I could eat sandwich made of crabs…"

"But don't eat the crab dip!" both he and Troy said together.

"Well there's no crab dip here," the dean said. "Just Greendale's finest pork rinds, chicken fingers, and French frog legs! Bon Appetite!"

The room settled into a sudden and heavy silence as the Muppets all exchanged looks. Miss Piggy glared at the dean while rolling up her sleeves. Kermit's mouth folded into a frown and Fozzie's mouth hung open like he was trying to figure out something funny to say about this but even he recognized it would be in poor taste.

"Tell you what guys," Jeff said and all eyes went to him. "A couple of weeks ago a guy from Indiana came through and showed me this awesome breakfast restaurant. Best steak, eggs, and pancakes around. Why don't we all go there?"

The Muppet's cheered started shuffling out the room. The dean sighed with relief. The door crowded with the assembled animals and weirdos and they could hear Animal yelling "Waffles." over top of everybody. Britta sidled up alongside Jeff and Annie.

"Looks like these guys got to you after all huh?"

"Well come one," Jeff gestured toward their departing guests. Kermit was the last one out, pausing only to nod in Jeff's direction. Jeff nodded back and continued. "Who can actually hate the Muppets?"

"Well that's really really good, I'm glad you feel that way," The dean walked up to them while glancing over his shoulder. "Because… um… we could only afford a trailer for Luis Guzman and Chevy Chase. So I sort of maybe suggested they could stay with all of you guys."

"What!?" The Study Group shouted in unison.

* * *

"So…" Statler paused the dvr. "That's the smartest comedy on television?"

"So they say," Waldorf nodded.

Statler scratched his chin. "I guess what they say is true, I feel smarter for having watched it!"

"You do?"

"Certainly! If I'm watching it I'm smart enough not to be in it!"

"Doh ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho!"


End file.
